Long goodbye

I’VE HEARD IT called “the long goodbye”, and sadly one of our friends has been diagnosed with it – dementia.

Not that it’s come exactly as a surprise. Fran has been showing memory problems for some time now.

She forgets what she’s done even a short while ago, she cannot remember people’s names nor even where she is sometimes…

And it’s even sadder that she and Den only married four years ago.

Watching the decline of someone you love in this way is heart-breaking.  I know, I observed the onset of dementia in my own parents. I witnessed their increasing bewilderment as their familiar world around them became more and more incomprehensible.

In the end they hardly recognized either my brother or myself. Their capability to perform basic tasks declined rapidly. Cooking became a major obstacle. As did attending to personal hygiene.

Quite simply they were unable to look after themselves.

This is now what Den is facing with his wife. What makes things worse, though, it the fact that they will not accept the help that is around them. They regard home assistance with grave suspicion and fear that any such is out to rob them.

Nor will they consider using the services of a local day centre for Fran; any such thing smacks of charity and this they are too proud to accept.

Unfortunately, we are not in much of a position to help except with advice and encouragement, even if they were to ask for aid.

We fear what is likely to befall our friends.